Why Cosmo’s 21 Problems Only Big Boobed Women Understand is BS

The other day I Googled ‘big boob problems’ while trying to come up with ideas for my next post. I expected to find a list of serious and difficult to solve issues, like sagging and stretch marks and back pain. Instead, what I found at the top of the search results was a list from Cosmopolitan that seems like it ought to have been written a decade ago.

Personally, I think we are long past the dark age where big boobs were an unsurmountable burden, and the largest cup you could expect to find anywhere reasonably priced was a C, but you wouldn’t know it from reading this article. So many of the “problems” on this list are so solvable, it makes me wonder how an author working for a women’s magazine still suffers from half of these issues.

I can definitely concede that big boobs are not as easy to deal with as breasts that fall within the range that most of the world seems to cater to. That said, they aren’t always as bad as this article portrays them to be.

Today, I want to take a look at each item on Cosmo’s list and see how many items on this list are actual struggles, and how many of them are just fodder for clickbait.

1. You can’t wear button down shirts because the buttons gape open and you basically look semi-naked.

Okay, in all fairness I must say that I have experienced this. But so has my best friend, and she’s a 34B. Sure, big boobs contribute to this, but it has more to do with the cut and fit of your shirt as well as your choice of bra than it does the fact that your boobs are just plan big.

With the right bra (perhaps a minimizer?) and the right shirt, this is a non-problem. For those moments where you find that shirt that fits everywhere else but even with your best minimizer, you’re still worried about buttons, I offer you this revolutionary option:

2. It’s impossible to find cute bras that fit.

I’m a 38-40 G-H, and I’ve got purple bras, I’ve got lacy bras, I’ve got pink polka dot bras, I have see-through bras, I’ve got red bras, green bras, and even blue bras. Yes, I’ve also got skin tone bras, black bras and white bras. You can have a rainbow too. Click here if you don’t believe me.

3. No bathing suits fit.

Correction. No bathing suits from H&M are going to fit. None from Victoria’s Secret either. Forget those bargain bin bathing suits. They won’t fit you, and you don’t need them. The people who make bras for us have also realized that we occasionally like to go to the beach too. You can find bikinis, tankinis, sexy one pieces, and sporty one pieces that can hold the girls up. Don’t let your boobs stop you from soaking up the sun. I’ve gotten some great mileage out of this one, and here’s another one for when I really just feel like lounging. Make cup size swimwear your friend, and you will never look back.

4. People (even those who don’t know you well!) say things to you (even in casual conversation!) like, “Have you ever thought about getting a breast reduction?”

Sorry. I can’t offer up a product for this one. It’s annoying, but if your friends are asking you questions like this, it’s up to you to set them straight and get them to understand your point of view. As someone who has a lot of features that make me the odd woman out in a lot of situations, I get asked a lot of tedious questions. You develop a strategy and roll with it.

5. People ask you if your back hurts.

I don’t know who this girl is hanging around. I’ve been asked this a couple of times, but not enough that I’d write this down as an issue that really irks me. Again, a lifetime of being asked all kinds of boundary-crossing questions has prepared me for this. If you want tips, e-mail me.

6. Everyday exercises are basically not possible.

First of all, what is an everyday exercise? Second of all, armed with a good sports bra, I cannot say my boobs have ever been the thing that has stopped me from doing a push-up. And when I’m doing them, I’m concentrating/hating them so much that I have no idea if my boobs are 2 inches from the ground or 6 inches. It doesn’t matter. What matters is getting through the set.

7. You have to wear more than one sports bra if you’re going to attempt to work out.

Again, once you let go of the fact that Lululemon and Nike sports bras are not for you, this ‘problem’ is actually quite easy. Get yourself a good encapsulation sports bra, or a good compression bra. Your bounce is not going to go away completely, but there are definitely enough good bras that can see you through most workout types without making you feel like you need to double up.

8. You automatically look sexual in everything you wear.

Tricky one. I would say, as with anything, dress for your shape. Just like those H&M bras, maybe those American Eagle V-necks aren’t for you. I’d rate myself as pretty conservative when it comes to clothes but I can still wear V-necks without multiple inches of cleavage. You’re going to have to think a little bit more about your bra pairing than most people, but this is certainly not the end of the world.

Plus, this doesn’t just apply to big busted women. One of my smaller-cupped friends ventured out of her house in oversized sweats and a hoodie and no makeup for a quick McDonald’s run one day, and some guy asked her a question that hinted that he thought she was a prostitute. Unfortunately, if people are going to sexualize you, they are going to sexualize you.

9. You look especially sexual in bathing suits.

Again, see my last point from above. There are so many different cuts of swimsuits out there now. If you are worried, opt for something that minimizes. I’m sure there’s a swimsuit out there for everyone that doesn’t make them feel like they’ve had to ‘settle’ or compromise. It’s just a matter of taking the time to find one.

10. People ask what size bra you are.

Again, who does this chick hang out with?

11. Guys pay too much attention to your boobs in bed, as if assuming that big boobs automatically equate to “extremely sensitive clitoris-like pleasure appendages.” Not true.

Well, according to Cosmo for some women, they actually are. Everyone is different. And honestly, if all that boob love isn’t for you, say so.

12. You are constantly bothered by dressing advice for “curvy” figures because the advice is always bullshit.

The belting thing works, so does loads of other advice just a Google search away. Some advice won’t necessarily work for you, but calling it all bullshit is just being overly dismissive. This author is obviously of the mind that one style of dressing should be able to look good on everyone, and that’s faulty thinking. Once you get past that, you’ll realize there’s plenty to wear!

13. You can never wear anything backless.

Yes, you can. You just have to get creative. From sew in cups, to built in cups, to taping, it is possible. If Kim Kardashian can do it, you can too.

14. You can’t wear any bridesmaids dresses because they’re ALWAYS strapless.

So this is me, at my cousin’s wedding in Paris wearing a strapless bridesmaid dress. I even ran uphill in heels in this dress carrying multiple bottles of champagne and nothing fell out. When there is a will (or a good bustier) there is a way.

16. You can’t wear blazers.

I’ve got three go-to blazers. One is from K-Mart (but you would never know), one is bespoke, and the other is from Brooks Brothers, proving that you can find good blazers at all price points. You can find a blazer that will fit your boobs without it gaping open at the bottom. Opt for lower buttons and choose your material wisely. You don’t even need a minimizer to pull this one off.

16. You can only wear bib necklaces.

I feel like this is just one of those outdated rules like not wearing white after Labor Day. It can be done. It may take a little consideration. You may have to consult a style guide, or you can just experiment and see what works.

18. Cross body bags awkwardly snuggle up to your armpit.

Personally, I opt for over the shoulder bags. I have a cross body bag that I was given as a gift though, and as far as I know, it has never made its way to my armpits. I have never once felt awkward wearing them. The only thing I would say here is that depending on the size of the actual bag, it will either detract or call attention to your bust. You need to figure out what effect you want to achieve.

18. You look positively beastly if you’re cut off mid-boob in a photo.

There are good pictures and there are bad pictures, whether taken at mid-boob, full-boob, fully body, or whatever, really. I’m not going to post pictures to try and disprove this. You can go through pictures of yourself and decide if they are beastly. Beastliness, as with beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

19. You feel special kinship with Kate Upton.

No, I don’t really. Also, how is this a problem/issue?

20. You always wonder what Christina Hendricks has going on underneath her clothes.

Again, a non-problem. When I look at Christina Hendricks, I think, “If she can wear that, then I can probably wear that too.”

21. You are horrified of the idea of being pregnant because even though you love your big boobs, they are big enough.

Haven’t hit this one yet. If I ever do get pregnant, at least I know there are bras that will support me.

I think whether you think of your breasts as a burden or as a just another part of your body that you have to deal with has a lot to do with your mindset.

We have unrealistic expectations thrown at us all the time, whether it’s social comparisons with friends or people you see in the media. Just like with everything, what works for others may not work for you.

The less energy you spend hating on your big boobs, the more you can spend finding ways to work with them. Sure, it’s going to involve speciality stores, and in some cases some creativity, but big breasts are not a sentence. If they were, breast augmentation wouldn’t be such a big industry. There are many, many resources out there, from bra-fitting guides, to clothing guides, to entire communities and forums full of busty women who share their experiences and tips in an effort to help others.

Hang in there, and wear whatever the f*ck you want!